Its a bittersweet day today. No one is happier than me to be heading home soon to my family and friends. Its also a very odd feeling to be leaving a team of people that turned your life around. Its been 3 very intensive weeks. More of an endurance test that any other I have experienced. And I am done this portion. The work still continues but I can do it while living my normal life. Its liberating, empowering and the greatest sense of freedom I have ever felt.
|My daily clinic team for treatments/modalities. Ashlee, Matt, |
Me (rather red faced after treatment) and Lindsay
So I leave with a very heartfelt thank you to people that gave my life, life again. I want to hang on to this feeling of intense gratitude for the amazing people here at the clinic and the amazing people at home. Each one played a significant role in helping me get through. The staff at the clinic made me feel strong, accepted and have worked very hard to help me learn so I can always be in charge of my life. They helped me through some of the toughest and lowest days of my life. It is impossible to imagine doing this fight without them and scary to think of going forward on my own as well. But I know they are there if needed and that is good.
Elanda and talked a lot today about working with different personalities with the same disease. More often that not, I can imagine that Lyme people are hard to read because we have either come to believe or have been told that there is nothing wrong with us or it is in our head. So when we come to a treatment facility like this, it is very hard to share your symptoms and feelings. Your first instinct it to say they are not that bad, or make excuses for them. Elanda got to know me well enough she said she could tell by my eyes, the way I responded or even how I smiled. She would ask how I was but base the answer more on my actions than my words. I doubt I will ever change because I can only imagine saying I am not feeling well will become very scary for me. But I also know I will become more gentle with myself, I don't need to suffer anymore and I don't have to push myself when I don't feel up to it. There was something wrong with me, it was not in my head and if I feel low again, it is genuine and physical and I need to rest. Its that simple.
|Dr. Earl, Lindsay, me and Ashlee in front of the Health Pod - |
NASA Pulse Electro Magnetic Frequency
(the one that made me very dizzy at the start)
To top it all off, I am having a good day today. I am sure it is because I made it, I did it and I am heading home. But more than that I think it is because it is the start of the rest of my life, with a new outlook, a greater independence and a knowing that deep inside ourselves is always the truth. I no longer need to suffer and no one ever deserves to suffer. We have the ability to overcome anything as long as we always keep trying. The solutions will always find their way to you, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when you don't want.
So thank you FAR Clinic, thank you friends and family and thank you God.