This last grand hurrah of symptoms and challenges brings a lot of things to light for both Brian and I. Since we are able to be together without a lot of distraction he is able to identify a lot of things, that I try very hard to ignore. So I am not getting away with a lot these days...lol. Brian is really seeing my silent struggle to sort out simple things. I am delayed reacting to what is going on around but in some cases can't actually sort it out at all.
The one symptom I try to overlook, to no avail, is my speech troubles. You know the word you want but you cannot pronounce it no matter how hard you try. It used to come out as a different word but now I am just not able to say a word at all. I start it, try, but the word in my head cannot come out of my mouth. Thats where this disease was going before I got here. I know of one girl that had to have speech therapy after she started to recover, so she could learn to talk again. It is incredible the havoc those little bastards can do in your brain.
It may just be a consequence of loss of short term memory but sometimes you just have to stop what you are doing and get your bearings all over again. It often happens if I am focussing something. Its kind of like, if you focus on one thing, you have to lose all the others. Its a freaky feeling to say the least. You all of a sudden realize you need to stop and regroup. Where are you? What were you doing? What do you have to do? Was there something important you were focussing on? You almost feel like you have to start with the basics, your name, place, was I grabbing something, putting something down, going somewhere...It all comes back in a flash. You just have to stop everything so you can refocus. Its like an incredibly brief wave of amnesia...that sorts itself out really quickly. But you can't sort it out unless you stop everything else. I would love to learn the physiology behind it, but thats definitely beyond me comprehension abilities right now. BTW did I mention I DON'T LIKE IT? (wow doing those words in caps locks were very challenging...)
I am sure I am winning the battles with lyme because no one would feel this crappy for no reason! I no longer feel the need to keep score, whether I feel good or bad, I am winning these days. Bad days don't worry me anymore. There is only one more score to keep that will come months down the road and thats the war.
UPDATE: I did get a response to my "Letter to my Canadian Medical Clinic". Not only does he not answer either of my questions (although he says he does). The only suggestion is to book another appointment with the same Doctor I was complaining about. I think its safe to say, they don't want me back. There is a lot more to this war on Lyme than just what is going on in your body. Sad but true.