I woke up this morning and thought I really didn't have the energy to do this. I was tired yesterday, I wanted to give in today. Don't worry, I have no intention of quitting. But I remember two things Dr. Earl told me the first day. He first said that I was not going to like them very after the first week. Which scares me a little because I don't think I am at my worst yet. Good times and stories still to come, I think ;)
The other things he told me, that I can really relate to it is when people gave up on treatment before they were done. They found it to be too much. He said he told he told them they just hadn't gotten sick enough. He is so right, the first thing that enters your brain, when you don't want to do this anymore, is the kind of life you would be going back to, if you didn't finish. There is no debate. He said some have returned over time. I bet they did.
I have often been asked which I found harder, the 300km hike or the half ironman. Funny enough, when I think back to them I realize I did both with Lyme. I contracted Lyme on the hike and walked more than 200km with Lyme symptoms but thought it was related to the intensity and infections on my feet from the wetness. Later my symptoms (which were thought to be something all together different) really became evident when I was training for the Ironman. The doctors thought I was overtraining, but I knew I wasn't. They then thought I had a blood clot from flying and running a half marathon with my friends in California. Then they just thought I would recover after the race...I never did.
As much as those were the toughest physical challenges I have given myself, I can say with hesitation that Lyme (in its later development) is far more gruelling than either of those. Those challenges require physical preparation and mental motivation. So if you prepare and train and know how to manage your brain and thoughts, you can do it. The thing with Lyme is, the best motivator in the world can't make you do it, your body literally does not have the ability. It is very confusing to do a long distance Ironman and then a year and a half later, you cannot force yourself to walk more than 5 minutes, no matter what mid games you play. Generally everything else is fine, so there doesn't seem to be any reason for it. And don't think I wasn't working at it all the time. I would exercise, get sick, try to exercise, decline, get sick and try to exercise again, all in a week. It just made no sense to me.
So today as I head out, I want to be doing anything else but this. Yet, I still feel happy, lucky, blessed, fortunate and very, very, very hopeful. I am trying to figure out how or why it feels different. Is it being sick with answers that makes the difference? I don't think so because, I was in bad shape and hopeless with the antibiotics. I have to think it is going through tough times with hope. It seems to be the same thing that comes up every time people are suffering - how two offer hope. I remember being sick and when anxiety was thought to be the issue it was all about changing your attitude, thinking positive, change your mind, change your life. Normally, I believe in all of that stuff. But I can tell you no matter how much I tried, my body did not have the ability to be positive. I don't know how to explain that and I know it sounds like a cop out. But I can tell you, even when I am feeling really lousy these days, I seem to be able to stay fairly positive. That feels good and the the only thing that I can see is different, is hope. I would like to figure out a way to bottle that shit up and share when people need it the most. All we really need is hope!
So just when I was really feeling too tired to get through today, they told me it was time for me to double my treatments. I started to laugh inside. God doesn't give you anything more than you can handle, right?! Well, he sure has the ability to ride the line for a long time lol. As it turns out, it went fine. Just like anything, you can't look at the whole picture. You just have to look at the task at hand and deal with each step. Its never really that bad. But it did make me dislike the one treatment that I wasn't fond of in the first place.
I haven't told you about Aggressive Lymphatic something or other...G force they call it. You feel like a knob, it actually hurts and is just really annoying. And even more ironic is the fact that it is probably the one I need the most. It deals with different vibrations to try and resurge your lymphatic system. Dr. Rod's key belief is that the day Lyme wins over your body is the day that stress got the best of you and when your body wasn't functioning the best the worst took over. He said there is one commonality with people and that is that stress (which comes in many forms) wore them down, so their bodies natural system were not able to fight any longer. As Lyme patients start to quickly decline it also means their lymphatic system is done. It gave in, collapsed and had nothing more to give (those are my medical terms lol) but the one thing about your lymphatic system is that it is really hard to regenerate. And taking care of it is one of the best things you can do for your body.
I remember people saying how rebounders (mini trampolines) are good for your lymphatic system. I now get that because, it is that movement, that helps them drain, regenerate and cleanse. Movement in general helps so many of our bodily systems especially detox and waste removal. That, I agree with now more than ever. But the lymph system is a little different and different types of movement is really needed. And if you are inclined to be like me, you and stress know each other well, then your lymphatic system can be your best friend...or your worst enemy when it lets you down. They call it "burn out" when your lymph is drained and cannot replenish any longer. I know I have done it to myself before. But what is really motivating about this experience is I think I am getting the tools to make sure I can make sure this never happens again. Very empowering.
The Dr's say we should have the ability to fight diseases but there are a few key things that are making it hard these days:
- we are well fed and badly nourished. The quality and value in the food available to us these days is not what we really need.
- we are over stressed and over stimulated
- we do more in a day to work against our bodies vs. what we do to replenish and regenerate it...among others
I am getting the opportunity to get my health back, my job will be to keep it when I get it.
When you know better, you do better, I guess.
Hey, I feel better already, after writing this. I think this blog and talking to all of you is therapy #7. Thanks!